Already Gone
by kissedmetillthemorninglight
Summary: I'm already gone, Ryan. Seth tries to make the pain go away. Sethcentric. Not for SS shippers. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

"Just go over ther and tell her you love her," Seth said to himself.

He'd been having a long, in-depth conversation with himself for a while now, saying the exact same thing over and over again.  
"Just tell her... you _love_ her."  
Seth and Summer had been oing out for two months now, and, surprisingly, nothing had gone wrong. Yet.  
"I'm going."  
It was their second, maybe third try at their relationship. Who could really keep track, anyway?  
He ran out of his room, leaving the stereo on with the rhythm of Death Cab setting his determined mind straight.  
He ran into the kitchen and grabbed the keys off the counter. Ryan was already there, getting ready for soccer practice.

"You're going over there, aren't you?"  
**"I'm already gone, Ryan. I'm already gone."**

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He rang the doorbell for the ten-billionth time, his patience wearing thin.  
_Just go in there.  
Tell her you love her._  
He charged through the door, his newly-found adrenaline pumping, and ran up the stairs. He stopped at her door, wondering whether or not to knock, and decided to act on the thrill of the moment. He opened the door, and there she was.

Summer.

_You love her._

And someone else.


	2. Chapter 2

And there she was, the love of his life, on the bed they had shared, Seth and Summer.  
But that wasn't Seth.  
But that _was_ Summer.  
"Summer?"  
She stopped mid-motion and turned to Seth.  
"S-Seth," She said, shocked. "This, this isn't-"  
"What, you dropped a quarter in his mouth and you were just fishing it out"  
"No. This doesn't..."  
It was no use. His eyes were cold now.  
"Goodbye, Summer."  
**He was already gone.**

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He never felt closer to Marissa than he did right then. She wasn't even there.  
But he could really use a drink right now.  
He drove back to his house, only to realize that he was alone.  
Ryan, was at soccer practice, Mom and Dad at their respective meetings. No one.  
He needed something, though.  
So he went to the liquor cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of vodka.  
**And he was gone.  
**Again.


	3. Chapter 3

He drove to the beach, well aware of the similarities between him and Marissa at the moment. 

He just needed to forget.

He stopped the car at the farthest stretch of beach he could reach. It was completely deserted.  
Perfect for drowning a broken heart.  
He didn't even open the door. He just untwisted the cap and swallowed a mouthful of vodka. He immediately started coughing and gagging, but soon forgot about the burn.  
After a few minutes, he didn't feel it at all.

And that's how he stayed, for two hours,

until

the entire

bottle

was **gone.**


	4. Chapter 4

He stumbled throught the front door, not even registering the fact that everyone was home.  
He didn't care.  
**He was completely gone now.  
**He walked straight into the kitchen, not even aware of Ryan's presence at the counter.  
"Seth?"  
Slowly Seth turned his head, and saw Ryan staring at him perplexed.  
"Are you alright, man?"  
Seth held up the empty vodka bottle, which wasstill firmly held in his grasp.  
"All ou.t"  
Ryan was left completely dumbfounded.  
"W-What? What happened to Summer? I though you were going to tell her you loved her."  
"It wasn't me." He was slurring way too much now.  
"What?"  
"It was Summer. But it wasn't me." He wasn't making much sense. Less than usual, anyway.  
"What do you mean? What wasn't you?"  
"She's gone now."  
"Summer? What do you mean, gone?" The story wasn't sounding too good so far.  
"I said goodbye."  
Both the boys suddenly heard a sound that could strike fear into the hearts of children everywhere. Sandy's voice.  
He was on the phone. And he was moving downstairs.  
"Come on," Ryan said. "He can't see you like this."  
"Like what, Ryan?" Seth slurred as Ryan pulled him into the poolhouse.  
"This is _me_."  
"No, its not. Where's the real Seth? The real Seth would never do this"  
**"He's already gone, Ryan. He's already gone."**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: thanks for reviews, and dirtyprettything, i updated for you. that means you owe me an update. and everyone reading this should read Comfortably Numb. it's an awesome story and needs reviews. thanks!

Seth had lost all logic, all reason. There was nothing to stop him from leaving himself, until all that remained was the hollow core of what used to be. Seth Cohen was nowhere to be found.  
Ryan hadn't seen Seth in two weeks, three days, 5 hours. He barely even saw the hollow body anymore, he was just always **Gone.**  
He didn't know where, and Ryan thinks he doesn't want to know. He just wants Seth back.  
He regrets not realizing how much effort Seth put into their friendship. He regrets not appreciating his constant unwavering dedication to Seth/Ryan time. Ryan regrets not realizing how close Seth was to disappearing altogether.  
He was never much for talking.  
And for once, Ryan's the one doing the chasing.  
_Running away, it's very Seth Cohen._  
Sometimes Ryan wished Seth would just run away. Then maybe he'd know there was still the ghost of that sarcastic, optimistic teenage boy inside.  
Ryan doesn't see Seth in school anymore, and he's not sure if that's because he never stays, or he's just invisible now.  
Ryan's not sure which is worse.  
And when all these thoughts jumble up together in his head he thinks, maybe they're more like brothers than he thought.  
And maybe Seth had a little more Atwood blood in him than Ryan suspected.

A/N: I know it's short, but I'll hopefully have more soon, and most likely from Seth's POV. love!


End file.
